A foreign female friend asked me to write about
Finnish men. Being married to an American, I'm clearly not an expert on this topic, but yes, I know what she's talking about. The problem seems to be that it is hard to figure out whether certain Finnish men just want to hang out as friends, or be your serious partner in life. I'd say that it is all about avoiding conflicts, so Finnish men (unless they are the clingy type) don't usually bring up the topic themselves. In general, Finnish men are quite low maintenance, but it also means that you cannot expect great romantic gestures from them, either.
Anyway, to freak out your potential Finnish boyfriend, you could see what happens if you ask these questions:
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Feel free to share your valuable experiences!
About the author of Random Finnish Lesson:
A Finnish man can be quite a tricky puzzle for an American to figure out, but they can be worth it. If you're the sort of woman who wants expensive gifts and flowers and to be treated to dinner, then American guys are for you. But if you want someone who will be quiet when you're trying to read the morning paper (especially if it's in Finnish and you only understand half the words), who is reliable and trustworthy, and who respects a woman's independence, then a Finn might be a better choice!
ReplyDeleteThat said, figuring out whether something is a date or not is certainly much easier with an American . . .
I've been lucky enough to find and be married to a Finnish man who's reliable, trustworthy and loving. However, I'm loathe to paint those as particularly Finnish characteristics because I know many Finnish and foreign women who've ended up with unreliable, untrustworthy, alcoholic and controlling Finnish men. The divorce rate here is just as high as in the US and "cheating" is a big part of it. Our annual Christmas party at work (which spouses aren't invited to) always heralds the start of many an office romance between married/in a relationship colleagues. I'm not trying to paint a bad picture of Finnish men (because many are decent) but just want to reiterate that you've got to be just as careful choosing a mate here as you would in your home country. Don't ignore red flags because you've heard that "all Finnish men are trustworthy etc". You may be in for a nasty surprise.
ReplyDeleteEntäs suomalainen nainen? Millaisiin ongelmiin sen kanssa seurustelemisessa kannattaa valmistautua näin etukäteen? Onko sellaisia vastaavanlaisia "no-no" kysymyksiä jotka kannattaa olla kysymättä ettei suomalainen nainen lähde pelästyksissään juoksemaan pakoon? :)
ReplyDeleteHyvä kysymys! Perhaps someone who has been dating Finnish women could answer that question. :)
Deletehey guys, I'm just dating a Finnish man and he really likes me and I can feel it, but the problem.is when we are together he is perfect and showing that he really likes but when we are not together there is no news from him (maybe 1 or 2 messages per day wishing me a good day. he is not a text persin). so the problem is we meet 1 time per week and very small messages untill the next time, this confusing for me because how you can like the person and traet in this way, I am from asia super extrovert but he is introvert, I am trying to accept and understand his personality because I like him alot, but he does a very small effort to do things to satisfy me. we are dating for 6 months and in the middle I just stopped because he had a very cold nature , but again we started 1 month ago. guys I really need help , what should I do? I dont wanna lose him but on the other hand ignornig from his side is bery hard for me and he doesnt even know he is ignoring me , he allways says that you are silly thinking in this way, you have my attention however I am not on phone to messege you, I always had guys around me paying attention to me but this one is vice versa. HELP!
ReplyDeleteHow is it going? I'm in the same situation, although we spent several days together in a row, but now he's barely contacting me. I don't know if he is burnt out, for now I'm trying to respect his space and me-time, but it's hard not not freak out. The days together were great but now I wonder if he hasn't regretted them despite all the sweet things he said/did.
DeleteHe might be playing video games 😬. One possibility.
DeleteMy bf is just like that, I'm from Latin America. And I have a strong personality. First I started slow but bacame more aggressive with time. To the point I will plan the whole day, take note of this. Finnish men have no initiative, they won't lead, they won't think about special dates, details, etc.. Either get used to lead or find someone else. I put my self a deadline. And I told my bf, you say you love me, well!! You either become more into a foreigner finish relationship, thinking is not "all" about you and your space, or let me go to find somebody that suit me better.
He said, I will try. Now he cook breakfast when I sleep with him, we go for a walk together, he put candles and he pays me a drink sometimes, hug me in bed and say nice things.
I am also in the same situation, I met this guy about three months ago, I went away for a month and now I've been back for nearly a month, we see each other less than before I went away, he sends a couple of messages a day, some days he doesn't at all and I don't either to respect his space, but this is driving me crazy as I don't understand if he actually likes me or he is just having fun with me. When we are together he is really loving and tactile but not a single affectionate word has come out of his mouth.
ReplyDeleteLadies getting "only" a couple of messages per day are complaining here :-) In my opinion, if a guy is not interested in a woman, never sends a couple of messages in a day. The thing you should think about is, does he respect you or not.
ReplyDeleteI know this Finnish guy for a year. He is a friend and half flirting at work place. I am Asian and a Finnophile.
ReplyDeleteWe have been talking almost every day and he would call me almost any time he is driving as he is a busy person. For me it was a relationship and several times he had confessed that he had feelings for me.In a Finnish way ofcourse where he says some thing cute and caring if you know what I mean.
We have never touched each other or had a physical relationship. He is married and seems to be in a complicated relationship where he seems to be unhappy in his marriage. It was very clear that he liked me very much and often he spoke to me every night before going to bed for several hours some times about work and some times on philosophy. He loved speaking to me for hours and we had a deeply connected relationship.
While I have found the need for personal space exotic, recently some thing happened at work which made us have a deep conflict. It was a stressful situation and it was not the fault of either of us I was not angry but I was upset. He was angry and I cried. He was very affected by my crying and he could not handle it.
Now he says he needs time off for some time. I told him that I would like to speak about it. Then he said that I cannot demand a friendship and that he will see if we can have a friendship by inspection and not by demand. He wrote that a friendship is a deal where one can only terminate it unilaterally. He refuses to speak to me and wrote this message. He said after one month where he will now be away, he is willing to see how our working relationship goes. I am heart broken by the coldness and the way he is switching off. I would like to know if this means he no longer wants to see me or is it normal that he wants to have time off. I am deeply in love with him and I feel paralysed at the idea of losing him. In my culture we don't switch off people and I do not know how to handle this situation.
Erm not sure how to say this, but, HE. IS. MARRIED. He doesnt owe you anything. He owes his wife the promise that he made her at the alter when they got married. Whichever way I look at this, I cant help but see how you have to have healthier boundaries. You're not more desirable because you are the other woman, you're just entertaining him. Its purely selfish on his part. You deserve the love and commitment from an available man. Dont let him use you any longer. There are many more finns in Finland who can give you the attention, love and commitment that you want because they are single. You should find one of those. Trust me, life is too short.
DeleteYeah finnish was really reserved person I encountered a finnish guy like that haha.
ReplyDelete